he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
