Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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