the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
