I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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