saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
