just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
