Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
