life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
