You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
