So drunk its hurt
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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