WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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