I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
