I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
