Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
