now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
