Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
