Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
time to smoke my breakfast
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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