the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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