Sober January is a disaster.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Randomize
