Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
