but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
