if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
foreskin is a definite game changer
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
