a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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