Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
