How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
