It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
