The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
