HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
