how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
