I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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