Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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