: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
