HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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