i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
