3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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