what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
