I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
