Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
