I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
