shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
