so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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