She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
