so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
