Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
