didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
