Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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