Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
