Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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