"it" just moved
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
