just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
