i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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