Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
