So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
