Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
