I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Randomize
