She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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