Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize