You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
We left an ass print on the piano.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
