We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
