I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
