Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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