Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
