wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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