So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
