I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
