Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
