PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
