Umm I'm too high to move.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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