no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
