So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
