My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
my shit smells like andre
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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